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Bizarre and Never Explained
divinelybereft
BANE.  What a great acronym for such a phenomenon.  Not really a phenomenon, just sloppy story editing and directing.

So we went to see Hanna, which from the reviews and the trailer looked like it was going to be really cool.  I even thought it would have an excellent plot.  A lot of the MOVIE was very good.  There were excellently FILMED and CHOREOGRAPHED moments.  However, there were way toooooo many moments that were BANE.  Like the father leaving the cabin, which is near the arctic circle and covered in ice and snow, in a fancy suit in the middle of the night.  As I was watching the movie I suspended disbelief.  Lots of amazing movies have really weird things happen that later turn out to be cool, interesting, or at least more logical than they originally appeared within the context of the whole movie.  BANE means they are NOT cool, NOT interesting, and NOT logical in the context of the whole movie.  This movie was filled with shit like that.  I think we need a BANE rating on every movie.  Out of ten, ten being the most things that are weird enough to detract from your enjoyment of the film when they are not adequately explained, this movie gets a BANE rating of 7.  I really liked it until I was sure it was not going to explain many of the things that had happened that I thought were going to have really cool reasons for having happened.

I think I called it a limp penis of a movie as we drove home.  That's pretty gross, but as I explained, it had potential to impress but it just stayed soft.  Not that penises impress me, I was thinking from a female perspective.  I mean, it's not like a soft nipple would have worked as well as a metaphor.  But you know if that works for you, that's what I meant.  This post is now kind of weird.

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lol. I like this new term BANE. It's definitely the most irritating thing that happens for me in movies.

Ew.

I recall The Ninth Gate having a BANE rating off the charts. I guess I was 12 years old when I saw it, but I stand behind my assessment. For a long time I thought it was the worst movie I'd ever seen.

One reviewer says "Only the lobotomized and the brain dead will be able to figure out the logic embraced by The Ninth Gate."

Another says "The filmmaker takes you on a journey that goes absolutely nowhere."

At least four reviewers on one page used the word "ludicrous" and somebody else called it "self-immolating."

On the IMDB website this movie has AMAZING reviews. Seriously. People call it a masterpiece.

I don't remember feeling like it was very good, though.

Oh well. Self-immolating is a really great criticism, though. So suggestive!

I'm pretty sure it is as awful as I say. Those people are probably either Roman Polanski or Johnny Depp groupies.

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